MEMO TO FOOD BLOGGERS!

Dear Food Bloggers,

Though it may surprise you to learn this, the majority of your audience could NOT care less about the following:

1.  What you had for dinner in 1970 and the great impact it’s had on your life. 

2. What your lawyer boyfriend tells the office about what dish you’ve created promoting him to pop the question. 

3. How many kids you have sticking their dirty, germ infested fingers into the pickle jar featured in your recipe for those delicious dills. 

4. What you wore to your first dance. 

5. How many tries it took you to get THIS recipe right. (psst..it doesn’t exactly foster trust in your culinary skills and make people run right out to get your ingredients)

6. How much your dog enjoys licking up every morsel from the plate you snuck him in the kitchen. 

7. A running commentary about the season you’re making this dish in OR a travelogue about how far you went to find it. 

8. Humor. NOTHING you say is funny, clever or witty and it’s ALL been said before. 

9. How even your vegan friends beg you to make this recipe and ask for seconds. 

10. What your plans are for the evening after shoving your gluttonous self from the table in a stupor while plotting your next blog. 

So, I’m here to help you. THIS is how to write a food blog from beginning to end. 

“Hi. Here’s my recipe. Try it. Hope you like it. Leave your comments below.”

Ingredients:

2 cups water at room temperature 

1 cup water

2T water

1/4 tsp water 

1 tsp water mixed with 1/2c water

1 cup water evenly divided in half

Pinch of water (to taste)

2/3 cup water for garnish

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 5000 deg. 

Combine 2T water with 1 cup. Mix in blender. Set aside in small mixing bowl. 

Add previously mixed water to bowl. Whisk until smooth. 

Mix 1/4 tsp of water with 1/2 cup of water and add to bowl. 

Add first 1/2 of divided water to mixing bowl  and transfer entire mixture to 8 x 10 pan lined with parchment paper. 

Pour 2nd half of divided water and smooth with cake spatula for first layer. 

Add pinch of water to 2/3 cup of water and spread evenly on top for second layer, retaining 1/3 for garnish.  

Cover with foil and bake at 5000 deg. for 3 hrs.

Remove foil in last half hour and cook until slightly brown and bubbling. 

Test for doneness with toothpick which should come out clean. Remove from oven and let sit for 5 minutes before serving. Sprinkle with remaining water for garnish. 

See ya next time. Bye.